Because...

I am a bad mom because...

I yell too much. Especially at my son, who seems to not be able to hear what I’m saying any other way.

I haven’t enjoyed my children for awhile. If I spent this much time with anyone I’d dislike them too.

I’ve been so cranky & ill tempered lately that on the rare occasions that I am not, it really stands out. Then I feel guilty for being so cranky & ill tempered all the time.

Being aware of my blessings doesn’t help me enjoy them.

I am a good mom because...

I feed my children well. As much organic, unprocessed food as possible. I bake all their bread.* Yes, we eat occasional junk, but overall their intake is pretty darned healthy.

I am consistent. “No” means “no” - yesterday, today and tomorrow.

I’m not afraid to have my children dislike me. I’m their parent, not their friend. I fully expect to be hated and reviled for many of their growing-up years.

I will never shirk my responsibility towards these two people, as much as I might want to.

*In a bread machine, people. It’s not as impressive as it sounds. Delicious and healthy, yes, but also crazy easy.

Debbie Downer, that's me!

I don’t much like my kids these days.* Every last thing is a challenge. Or a lesson. I open my mouth, words come out, but they fall upon deaf ears. I repeat myself endlessly, but to no avail. They still do whatever the hell they want until a more dramatic intervention is required. I yell too much, but can’t seem to catch their attention otherwise. At the end of the day I’m drained and wasted and full of nothing but negative. We watch too much television ‘cause I can’t muster up the energy or enthusiasm to entertain these two little people one minute longer. It doesn’t help knowing that each day is going to be exactly like the last. The view from the hamster wheel sucks.

The cause of this unhappiness? There’s been a shortage of “me” time the past few months. So much so that I no longer really know who or what “me” is, besides “mom.” Since last November we’ve not had funds for any mother’s helpers/babysitters. This means I’m pretty close to full-on insane. Clients are slow to pay me, we’ve had some unexpected expenses, we’re still digging out from the holidays, so the financial situation’s not going to change anytime soon.

It’ll get better. It’s just a phase.

Right?

*Yeah, yeah, I love my kids, eternally grateful to have them, yadda yadda yadda.