Down, down, down.
Our situation is verging on dire. B.’s surgery went pretty well. They were able to reattach most of the tendon in his foot, but now they’re saying he’ll be on crutches and not able to put any weight on his foot for anywhere from six to ten weeks - well past labor & delivery and into the newborn phase.
The suckiness of this is really beginning to sink in. I’m exhausted. Just absolutely exhausted, yet I’m the sole caregiver for the twins and a nursemaid to B. (who is admittedly doing his best to be as easy a patient as possible - much better than after his sinus surgery). I will get no reprieve anytime soon. We’re broke again, so funding for babysitters is limited and best saved for the actual labor & delivery. If they’re available, that is. Having no family nearby, if we’re not able to get babysitters when I go into labor, well, I don’t know what will happen. B. cannot care for the kids by himself at all.
All for a pregnancy I wish had never happened, and a baby I’m not at all excited about having. I keep telling myself that the baby is a blessing, a miracle, and part of me does believe that, but it’s not helping me wade through today or prepare for what’s to come.
I feel genuinely sorry for everyone around me*, and most of all Little Boy, Little Girl, and Baby. I am so much less of a mother than I want to be, and they pay the price. It’s gonna get worse before it gets better.
*And obviously myself too.
posted by * @ 5:27 PM
3 Comments:
That really sucks. I so wish I could help somehow. Ship them to me for a few weeks! Right.
I think of you often. I do have a totally awesome present for the new baby that I know you will like since it was my little girl's and you complimented her on it. Does that make it all worthwhile? No?
No no no Claudia don't talk like this!! Everything will be OK. YOu will have the baby, the kids will be cared for. The newborn phase will go smoothly. When I get down, I just think about when I was in my infertility phase. BFNs, miscarriage, for years. I remember reading your blog after you returned from Walter Reed. You were so down. I remember one time when you went to the swimming pool at Ft. Mac ( I think that is where you were) and you could not stand being the only one without kids. I remember you saying that you thought you would never be in the "club." The parent club that is. I always felt that way too. But we are both here. We made it. So don't let it stop you or get you too down. There is always a better day ahead. You WILL get through this. I always tell myself that misery has to end at some point, right?
Neighbors? Preschool teachers? People from church - if you do such things? I wish we were closer - the internet makes for such weird support systems. I can send virtual hugs, but can't bring actual casserole. Sucks.
Post a Comment
<< Home