Above water.

My depression has miraculously lifted. Sure, I still have days where I’m not exactly what you’d call happy, but my overall mood is a pleasant, stable one. What a treat it is to not drag through every day.

What changed? I have no idea. I wish I did know. This seemingly random lifting of my mood is one reason why I don’t want to take antidepressants. A spontaneous mood change has happened before, so even in the depths of a major funk I feel like if I can just hold on long enough, relief will come. And so it has, thankfully.

One possible contributor might be that I’m feeling a tad less constrained with what I’m capable of doing with the twins while alone. I take them to the playground by myself with regularity now. We’ve had a few days where it hasn’t worked well and I’ve had to leave earlier than I would like, but we’ve had more days where it’s been manageable and even fun, if tiring - at least for me.

I’ve also discovered an indoor playroom at a nearby church. It’s only a dollar a morning per child to let them play, and they have a mother’s morning out program I’m going to try as well. The playroom is attached to a seemingly great* daycare that we’re on the waiting list for. My wonderful babysitter of the past year is leaving us for a real job as an art professor. I don’t need much help (okay, we can’t afford much help) so I’m exploring some part time childcare options. I’m trying to find a new babysitter too, but I have some reservations about hiring someone off the street. Daycare for two mornings a week actually seems like a better option right now.

Let’s hope this mood sticks for a good long while.

*I say “seemingly great” because I know nothing about daycare. The place seemed clean, the child/adult ratio and activities schedule were acceptable, and my overall impression was positive. I’m not sure what else I should be asking or looking for. I kind of wish I had been studying up and investigating my options before now, but I neglected to do so, so here I am learning on the fly and hoping for the best. And a fast moving waiting list.